Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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