Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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