Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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