ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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