I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
