They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
