the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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