under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
