Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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