I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
