i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
