Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
