no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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