Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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