belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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