I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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