Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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