sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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