Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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