grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
