Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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