did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
