I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
