Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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