guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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