dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Threesome in a minivan. New low
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
