he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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