just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
