meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
