I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
