you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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