I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
