Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
