I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I met the friendliest cop last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
