So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
