i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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