party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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