yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
