You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
