Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
