My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
