i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
