But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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