sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I want is dick and wine.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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