i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
