It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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