theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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