tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
