New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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