why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
this hospital has no fireball
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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