so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
