Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
