I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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