He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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