Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
