But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
