Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
