I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Im part way to drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
